Louis Neal Howell

That is my dad's name. I don't know much about my dad, he wasn't a big part of my life. I have thought about him much more frequently over the past few months. I think it's because now that we have Ethan in our lives and we get to be called Grandparents it has really made me think how much my children missed out with not having a grandfather.




Well, one of the things I remember about my dad was that he was in and out of VA hospitals most of my childhood. I also remember that when my mom would visit him in the hospital we would hang out in the lawn area of the hospital for what seemed an eternity as a kid. We were not allowed in the hospital. I hated those days.

You see, my dad struggled with depression, but on top of that he was involved in a serious car accident when he was in the Navy. His face was severed and he suffered slight brain damage. When I was almost 9 he was finally successful in his quest for death.
I got home on the bus after school and the thing I remember most about that hot May day was that I just wanted to get inside the house out of the heat. The front door was locked so as I went around to check the back door I heard my grandpa coming down the road. I was about 10 seconds away from walking around the corner of the house to see my dad on the ground with his brain matter splattered all over the outside of the house. Yes God was actively working in my life that day. I can't imagine how that image would have scarred my young life.



So the years following my dad's suicide were difficult to say the least. I questioned on many occasions why God would allow us to live in this home without a dad, there was a lot of anger after he left. Why were things so tough? Well I can testify that God brings about good for those who love Him! The Lord has used that tragedy to shape my life for His good purpose and has blessed many in many ways.

One of the blessings I have received is that my siblings and I were all able to attend college on the GI Bill because of my dad's military accident. With our very limited income, we would have never been able to pay for college. New Mexico State University is where I met a very handsome football star and well, the rest as they say is history...